I have died everyday, waiting for you
Darling, don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years
I’ll love you for a thousand more
It’s been long I wrote a letter to you. For some years, I left writing letters. I tried many times, but whenever I started writing the letter, my vision became blur. My heart wanted to tell you a lot of things happening in my life, but, I couldn’t write a single sentence to you. I felt an unbearable pain inside. I stopped writing, and kept all the blank postcards on the attic. I saw the letters I have written to you so far, lying on my bed like broken petals on the ground. Holding them all, I closed my eyes, and tried to see you there. Embracing them closer to my heart, I found you in those letters. To make me feel true, they smelled like you. Deepest at my heart, I felt that you were reading my letters. Yes, you were.
For these years, all the old letters are sleeping in the wooden self of my room. I have preserved them with all my love and care, the way I looked after you, when you were here. With me. With all of us. I love them just like you. I cry with them, I smile with them. Sometimes, when I wake up in midnight after seeing you in my dream, I bring them out of the self, and holding them all, I come to the balcony. Seeing the brightest star on the night sky, I start reading them, one by one. I tell you stories of me, my life, and, our love. Our old new love. I wonder, how we are getting old with time, our love is getting older, yet, it’s blooming like a wild mountain flower. Everyday, in a new way.
Once I thought, it’s enough, I have written so many letters for you, now it’s time to send them all to you. I laughed thinking about you, even I imagined how would you react, seeing a bunch of letters awaiting for you, to be read, and then, to be replied. You would take one long year to finish reading them all, I guess! But then I remember, they are not meant to be sent. Because they have no address written on the top. Yes I could send them all to the stars, but I know, you are not there, as I feel you here. Around me. The letters find their way straight to my heart, and they are meant to be preserved in my heart’s deepest corner.
You know, I had that nightmare, again tonight. I saw you in my dream. We were playing hide and seek, you blind folded me, and told me to count till ten. I did so. After stopping my count, I tried to find you, but I found you nowhere. I called your name, but you did not reply me. Trembling in an unknown fear, I opened my eyes, I tried to find you, again. I searched you everywhere. Suddenly, you called me from afar, “Aashi!”
I turned back. There was a dense fog, it was wrapping me like a shawl. I found you cloaked with white mist. You were smiling. I tried to reach you, to touch you, to hold you in my arms. But the mist held me tight, I couldn’t even move. My feet seemed to have frozen on the ground. You bid me bye, and started to hide into the mist. I tried to call your name, but my voice was choked. You disappeared into the woods. And I stood there, all alone.
I still search you there, and the chill air blows my hair. I see, you are smiling in the mist, and calling me by my name. As I approach closer, you leave somewhere, again. The white mist surrounds me, and whispers into my ears, “I love you!”
It continued to echo in the mountains.
– Forever yours,
[And all along I believed, I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me,
I have loved you for a thousand years
Read my all posts of this month long event here.]
I love to write letters, as I pour my heart’s deepest thoughts on the postcard, everytime I start writing a letter. One of my favourite letters are the one I wrote to my father. Read the letter here.